27 October 2006

More apologies

To the young woman over whom I accidentally threw half a bottle of blackberry and blueberry smoothie on Wednesday evening when I stumbled in the street on my way home from work, further apologies. I can only say I wasn't concentrating on where I was going.
You were very forgiving, I must say, particularly as I didn't think to offer to pay for any dry cleaning bills. So, apologies for my lack of gallantry in failing to offer, and thanks for your taking the incident so well.

22 October 2006

"Aw ain't he cute!" dept.

I'm not normally one for "funny things said by children" stories (look away now if you have a particularly strong aversion), but I did think the following, told to me at a party, was funny, namely a father being told by his son "when I grow up I want to be a cheetah".

21 October 2006

English Bay Vancouver 10th October 2006

God versus reality

More atheists versus the deluded over at Gaping Void - all good stuff. I do like a nicely heated comment thread.

World Fame

Having failed to win the Euromillions lottery last night (why is it that £75 million, next week's jackpot, sounds so much less, somehow, than £64 million?), much is resting on the huge amounts of fame and fortune (or is that trouble and lawsuits?) to be brought in by Mrs Lemon's featuring in The London Informer (cannot find a link) next week.
BTW, all these parentheses - reminds me of 2004.

17 October 2006

Dave "I'm hard, me" Blunkett

What a pleasant man he is to be sure, allegedly suggesting as he did when Home Sec that rioting prisoners should be machine gunned. Of course they should David - wouldn't have wanted them to have harmed your career now would we?

More Airport Madness

The Beeb has a story about our beloved airport security services basically stating that lipstick is a no no but industrial-sized crates can be flown all over the world without even a cursory inspection. The BBC report that passengers have had to endure worse, I mean more, security at airports this year than ever before:

But after spending hours getting through security, many passengers would have been unaware that they were flying on planes whose holds contained tonnes of cargo - much of which had not been checked, inspected or X-rayed....

This happens every day as 70% of air cargo is shipped on passenger airliners.

Under a system called "known shipper" or "known consignor" companies which have been security vetted by government appointed agents can send parcels by air, which do not have to be subjected to any further security checks.

What the BBC fail to point out is that often one also has to spend ages in queues to get back into the UK, expensive and pointless European passport in hand, when ONE HASN'T EVEN LEFT EUROPE! What is the EU for? Oh yes, I was forgetting, it's for "known consignor" companies - as long as they aren't inconvenienced on their way to their next million who gives a toss about the public?

Gestapo jokes: a new genre

Jokes are best avoided on blogs. Here, then, are two:

1. Joker: Have you heard any jokes about the Gestapo?
Jokee: No.
Joker (slapping Jokee around face): LIAR!

2. Joker: Which is the Gestapo officer's favourite month?
Jokee: I don't know.
Joker: You-lie! (Ju-ly - shout it in a comedy German accent - it ... oh never mind).

Beta Blogger

This new version is arsing everything up nicely - i have to sign in to my Google homepage each time I visit and "Hello from Picassa" (photo-posting and blogging software) is broken now. Still, one day I might change font colour (whoopee) so I shall keep it beta FTTB.Besides, it does go from "publish" to "published" v. quickly.

16 October 2006

15 October 2006

English Bay Vancouver Oct. 2006

Blogging: Some Thoughts

1. I love it. A conversation with no end of potential. That isn't to say that it would be better with actual readers you understand, but still.
2. The word itself, and "blog", are awful but it is probably too late.
3. Will Mrs Lemon's all be lost one day? Obsolesence, my own stupidity, boredom, anger, fear - any or all of these could put paid to it.
4. The addictive nature of posting, as well as reading others' thoughts (some of them put down in the most witty way - step forward Surly / JonnyB), shouldn't be underestimated.
5. Up here in the Garrett there is also the chance to listen to Phil Collins mashed up with NWA by djbc whilst writing, an opportunity that is not to be sniffed at (nor shared with the neighbours).

OK, but they are ugly

According to futuredude, and who knows who else, pigs have orgasms that last 30 minutes. Ergo:
1. Maybe Sting should spend more time in a sty.
2. Given their famed ugliness, do they need the added incentive?
3. Do pigs masturbate? If not, why not?
4. If the answer to (3) is yes, do they have to plan ahead - i.e. no quick one in the morning on they will be late for work?
5. What happens if an unexpected guest turns up or your hotel room catches fire?

We are being manipulated

All the time. This is just another example. A clever example, but still an act of manipulation. Dove, the soap people, are continuing their "campaign" for real beauty, or some such. You will, if you live in the UK at least, have seen their ads featuring "non-models" to suggest that the concept of beauty in the human is being hoiked off into the realms of imagination (wasn't it ever thus?). The link takes you to their admittedly fascinating video of an initially somewhat dowdy model being transformed by makeup, lighting, Photoshop and the like so that eventually a huge picture of her can be placed on a billboard and turn heads. But isn't their real message the usual "buy from us, we're on your side"? Are soap manufacturers really interested in changing the world or just in making money by finding a new niche?
Story came via Boing Boing.


Oh dear. 4.29 a.m. Sunday morning and I am here. Anyone with any ideas on how to beat jet lag that don't involve Melatonin?

13 October 2006

09th October 2006. Coyote, Van Duesen Botanical Gardens, Vancouver. (Listen, he caught me by surprise alright? This was taken with a wide-angle zoom with a polarising filter so take what you are given... If only those other 400 hundred shots hadn't gone walkabout you'd be getting better stuff than this I can tell you).  Posted by Picasa

09th October 2006. Van Duesen Botanical Gardens, Vancouver.  Posted by Picasa

7th October 2006. Bodega Ridge, Galiano Island.  Posted by Picasa

English Bay, Vancouver. 10th October 2006.  Posted by Picasa

Same place, date.  Posted by Picasa

Another of Downtown Vancouver. Same date.  Posted by Picasa

11th October 2006. A few made it back so they will have to do - here is Downtown Vancouver.  Posted by Picasa

Canadian co*k up

So, you have 3 wonderful weeks abroad, get home, pop upstairs to do your blogging and what do you discover? 400 photos are somewhere in Canada, likely never to be seen. I'm just off to buy a noose...

3 October 2006

Tofino Time

If Tofino isn't Nirvana, where is? I wish I could post pics from here but you will have to wait. Whales, bears and muffins are only a part of it. Think Cornish surfing resort but with decent architecture, big scenery, friendly people, good food, some actual waves (Cornwall's very own Naked Emperor, if you ask me - though I speak as a non-surfer I am someone who nonetheless has eyes), wildlife, low population density, reasonable traffic and wonderful weather.
Update: Sun is still shining and we are in danger of not moving anywhere else from here. Ever. Baldy eagles over the backyard this morning, as well as a sunrise to make your eyes bleed and your heart sing. All I need now is to shed 15 years and all will be ever well.

1 October 2006

Half mad, halfwit?

The top half of a business outfit, popped over your head in 5 seconds, and off to the video conference you go. Excellent.

We are all terrorists now

Kip Hawley is the head of the American airport security organisation the TSA. Apparently, for writing that he is an idiot on your new regulation clear plastic bag containing liquids of 3oz or less (any more and of course your water becomes a WMD) before you fly, you get detained and questioned. More here.
Meanwhile, if you'd like more about the idiocy of the security services and the British and American governments as a whole, try here for information about the almost impossible odds of using supposed "liquid explosives" to bring down a passenger plane.

Bears Now 2

Apparently the bigger ones were waiting elsewhere, like 30 metres from our shack in the woods. Huge it was, black as a black bear (which it also was), crossing the driveway as if it owned the place (which in a way it does). No photographic evidence as it was all over so quickly but if there is another one out there I'll be ready next time...