23 November 2006

Dinner Time

Dinner tonight:
1. Four Polish beers.
2. One packet crisps (C&O)
3. One Boots Meal Deal.
Calories: 12,000.
Nutrients: None.
Result: Slight nausea.

15 November 2006

Enjoyment 16; Life 8.

12 - 6.30 a.m. sleep.
6.30 - 7.15 a.m. Fight off the inevitable.
7.16 - 8.15 a.m. Get "ready" for work. Wonder if God ever had to do any ironing.
8.17 - 8.23 a.m. Walk to station. 89% of this time spent standing waiting for lights to change on 316. Pray I don't meet anyone I know.
8.something or other depends when the train driver makes it - 9.00 a.m. Standing two inches from other slaves and broiling (winter - air con off; summer - air con not working; windows - not openable since installation of air con). At Pretoria a.k.a. Putney listen to braying £75,000 p.a.-ers tell me to "move down the train". Move down the train.
9.00 - 9.15 queue for bendy bus + bendy bus journey. No longer catching fire. More standing up unless I want to take one of the seats made for midgets. Or is it dwarves? (Dwarfs? Sp?).
9.15 - 12.30 Work. And coffee.
12.30 - 1.30 Lunch.
1.30 - 5.45 Work. And tea.
5.45 - 6.15 Walk in rain to Waterloo.
6.15 - whenever train turns up. Throw cash at W.H. Smith in attempt to make journey bearable. Possibly a fruit smoothie to override rest of days intake.
Train departure - home. More standing up. Listen to static on radio or listen to songs put on phone six months ago and wish had energy and fortnight necessary to change songs.
Home - 11ish. Dinner (or "tea" if you prefer). Compare notes on day. Wash up. Interwebs*. Bed.
There, who's jealous now?

*Or possible Seinfield** fest.


14 November 2006

Temper Temper

After a short break this coming weekend I am hoping a kinder, softer side to Mrs Lemon will come to the fore; until then you can expect more of the usual.

13 November 2006


How simple it must be to be an animal. No dealing with humans, no answering the phone. Food, sex, sleep, rearing youngsters and going to the toilet. No ironing, worrying about aging, no fretting about what you said the day before in that social situation / work scenario in which you were uncomfortable. No more standing on packed trains wondering which of your fellow commuters had a bad Chinese the night before. No more wishing you had a gun when you were in Oxford St.

Car Thieves - Us or Them?

The BBC reports that car hire companies are going to start taking thumb prints when you pick up your vehicle from their offices (special shout out to those car hire companies at Galway Airport btw - there you also have to pay an "airport surcharge". Nice. You mean we could avoid the surcharge by walking the 15 miles into town? How kind). I suggest the tables are turned and that when you phone one of these nasty companies you warn their licensed thief I mean sales rep that you are going to record the call. You also then run a lie detector and watch it explode when you ask about all inclusive insurance. "Oh no sir, no problem - that is the price you will pay" is what you hear on the phone; when you turn up at the office the price you were quoted is with an excess that exceeds the total value of your home.

12 November 2006

Sth Bank again

Great Euphemisms of our Time no. 49: Standby Mode

Variants of this euphemism include "sleep" and "hibernate" modes. They all mean the same thing though: Stand by, your computer is going to be borked.
After attempting to enter this "mode" you will have to pull the plug and start it again as it never works. Also known as "f*ck the environment, they'll have to leave their PC on" mode.

9 November 2006

One more mystery solved

Want to see what a man with a firework firing out of his anus looks like? Well thanks to the glory that is the Interwebs, at last you can.
Having watched the video you may well not be terribly surprised to learn that said gentleman is currently in his local hospital.

5 November 2006

Stalinist States

Left and right come full circle, it seems, in the USA where there are complaints about draconian new travel measures (see Mrs Lemon's passim). This time, however, it is slightly more serious as Old Right reports:

Forget no-fly lists. If Uncle Sam gets its way, beginning on Jan. 14,2007, we'll all be on no-fly lists, unless the government gives us permission to leave-or re-enter-the United States.

The U.S. Department of Homeland Security (HSA) has proposed that all
airlines, cruise lines-even fishing boats-be required to obtain
clearance for each passenger they propose taking into or out of the
United States.

Old Right (forgive me, I know nothing about them, their site not normally being somewhere I would go for a read, although in these changing times perhaps a rethink is required) goes on:

When the DHS system comes into effect next January, if the
agency says "no" to a clearance request, or doesn't answer the
request at all, you won't be permitted to enter-or leave-the United

As they point out, Stalinist Russia wasn't so keen on her residents leaving the country either. That said, I wonder when the UK will follow suit?

Heron 5th November 2006

1 November 2006

No liability?

Ah, the dear, sweet, liberal folk over at the Guardian. You will want the Ricky Gervais podcast but you won't like the EULA-style nonsense that goes with it:

GNM will not be liable for any damage or loss suffered by any person relating to or resulting from the use or download of the podcast and GNM accepts no liability for infection by virus or other contamination or by anything that has destructive properties. You may not copy, reproduce, alter, republish, broadcast, make available to the public or otherwise use the podcast except for your personal, non-commercial use.

(Where "GNM" is Guardian News and Media). So it goes like this: Here's a podcast that, were it stuffed with malware, spyware or a trojan or two, we would disclaim all responsibility for. Nice. And probably completely bogus.

UPDATE: No liability, either, I suspect, when the 23rd Nov Shameless American Tie-in Thanksgiving Download doesn't (download that is).

Safe in their hands

At nj.com they have news that security staff at Newark airport "failed 20 of 22 security tests conducted by undercover U.S. agents last week, missing an array of concealed bombs and guns at checkpoints throughout the hub's three terminals". Good news if you want to get a gun or bomb on board, bad if you like a bottle of drinking water with you when you fly.

Light Pollution

Ghost Runners

Skater, South Bank