30 June 2007


Glasgow airport hit by idiotic religious people in 4X4; London car "bombs" found; floods in the north; 40 car pile up in Dover; terror threat "critical" (doh - what is the point of this?); and Turkey set to invade northern Iraq. Another great day for humanity then.

27 June 2007

My old friend Dr Richard Clampton has been in touch

The United Nations Organization
In conjunction with the international monetary fund
World Bank fact-finding & special duties office
London, United Kingdom.
TEL: +447031872294
FAX: +448709126328


Dear Sir/Madam,

How are you doing today hope this message meets you well? I am Dr Richard Clampton [of course you are], a senior staff with the World Bank audit group in United Kingdon (WBAG). I am writing you this letter because cool penny is better than millions of dollars [it is?]. It is better for one to live and die poor honest man than a rich dishonest one [v. good - top marks for honesty].

I and the chief security officer (CSO) of the world bank zonal office, here in UK, have arranged with an officer in the computer section {Engineer Ngoye Diama} to bring out part of a contract sum amounting to ten million united state dollars($US10M). Why we did this is because according to information gathered from the debt owned to the foreign contractors by the West African government (s), that the money has been there for a long time and nobody has come to claim it.

The money is in one security-proof box weighing 110kg. Recently, a friend of mine who is a diplomat disclosed to me that there is a courier service company they use to send diplomatic materials, information and other valuables from one country to another. It has diplomatic immunity and cannot be checked by any customs anywhere in the world. Yesterday, we met with the security courier company and finalized and concluded arrangements on how to ship the money by courier to you.

We told the courier service company that the boxes contained religiuos materials, We did not declare money because courier does not carry money. This is something we want to avoid because the boxes were padded with synthetic nylon and to open them, you have to cut the pad before you will meet the buttons that you will press to open the dial code-lock.[That needs repeating: "to open them, you have to cut the pad before you will meet the buttons that you will press to open the dial code-lock." Absolutely].

There is no way you can open the boxes and be able to close them again because they were padded with machine. I will meet them as soon as I have your go ahead order. The diplomat will help me so we do not have any problem. You will come forth and make claims to this money since i have all the documents to back it up.

To this effect, you will send to me a promissory note that i can trust you with this money. However, do reconfirm your delivery address for sending the boxes by courier. Please maintain topmost secrecy as it may cause a lot of problems if found out that we are using this way to help you. Do not ever tell anybody about this until you have your money. I want to help you because something in me is telling me that you are an honest person and we will share the money 50/50 and share any expenses 50/50. If you agree with this,i want you to send the promissory note and your personal information such as :



3.AGE: ......................................................................


5.MARITAL STATUS..........................................

6.ADDRESS: ...........................................................

7.COUNTRY: .............................................................

8.OCCUPATION: ...................................................

9.CURRENT EMAIL..................................................


God bless you as i await your urgent response because we need to act fast [I can imagine - that 110kg box must be shifted sharpish].

Yours faithfully,

Dr. Richard Clampton.

Are you lookin' at me birds?

Worth checking expression on Mr P's face by clicking on photo. He's not happy.

18 June 2007

Hundreds of thousands of ffffffriends

I'm too old for MySpace - it makes my eyes bleed. I don't understand Friends Reunited - I hated school mostly (the sixth form was ok, though drinking and smoking to make life bearable isn't necessarily a sign that one is wholly happy in the groves of academe; and don't get me started on some of the teaching "standards"). And now the new web 2.0 phenomena that is Facebook, what is that about? I know, I know, if I were ten, make that fifteen, years younger I'd be on there day and night, networking away. But I'm not sure it is the way to go. Like Flickr where the idea seems to be you comment on other people's pics, they comment on yours and so on ad infinitum - it's all a bit hunting the heffalump round the spinney for me.
But then, of course, I'm a bit of a misery.

14 June 2007


Ah, how I love them. Annoying? Oh no, why would they be?
My phone has an "email" link. Click on it and it tells me I have an email. I know I do because it has been on the phone since I picked it up several weeks ago. Interestingly, it can't be deleted. Just like the crap four-second "tunes" Sony loads onto the phone with the sole purpose of annoying the s**t out of you. Anyway, there is a "help" or "info" option - takes you to a screen that tells you to choose your email provider. Do this. Back to the email you've received ("Welcome Patrickdodds you complete idiot, why on earth did you trust T-mobile to get anything right?"). There is a "mark for delete" option and I have indeed done this but I have no idea what it does. It certainly doesn't delete it. I even replied asking what it all meant as it was clearly no good to man nor beast - MASSIVELY SURPRISED when I didn't get any sort of answer.
So, the list of things I don't understand about my phone now stands at:
1. The bills I receive. No clue what they are about. Hugely higher than the monthly agreement, of course, though never clear why. Little graphs, pictures, all sorts of nonsense, but no explanation as to why you need 10 million anytime, any network, any country minutes and 80,000 texts a month in your "plan" if you aren't to be unpleasantly "surprised" at the end of the month. Oh, and a 67 gig download limit.
2. The "email" function.
3. Why the reception is so bad on the phone that I am thinking of going back to my old model.
4. Why T-mobile still insist on uglyfying all the phones they sell with their horrible on-board screen savers (nope, you cannot delete them, though thank god you can choose something else) and "badging" (think Vauxhall Astra).
5. Why the music player is so quiet - the old one was great.
That's enough though - I need to lie down. More for the list later perhaps.
Go on then - a couple more:
6. RSS - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Mostly, you guessed it, it doesn't. There is no link between whether it works or not and the appearance or otherwise of the 3G symbol indicating "presence" of said system.
7. The lag on the camera. Really, very impressive. You could roast a goose in the time it takes between pressing the shutter button and capturing an image.


Not read a novel in a while, much to my shame. However, thanks to my good and oldest friend Alison I've just completed "Any Human Heart" by William Boyd. In Logan Mountstuart WB has created a very real, very lovable character who embraces the 20th century in a Sancerre-perfumed .... oh anyway, it's a very easy to read yo yo of a tale and it comes much recommended.

4 June 2007

Worst thing on the net?

Well, the Grauniad doesn't think so but then they are often on another planet. Try going to the site below and getting a station other than a UK one to play. Uh uh, not happening. Click on help? Uh uh, nada. Maybe they want people to use IE7 or some rubbish - who really cares? Please Graun, don't waste my time again, life's too short.
clipped from www.radiocentre.org
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3 June 2007

Millennium Bridge: Jumping for Joy

After going to PhotoLondon yesterday (more on which later), I took this photo of two women (plus others) on the Millennium Bridge. One was taking the pics, the other jumping with joy on the middle of the bridge. My new favourite photo - I could feel the joy in the women even though they were hundreds of yards away.

More Nonsense from Labour

The BBC has bad news for anyone hoping dear old Gordie might have a brain cell or two and might be thinking up some fresh ideas. If you were in this camp (and I confess I was), bad luck - you're going to have to think again:

Gordon Brown is planning a raft of new anti-terror laws when he becomes prime minister this month, it has emerged.

He wants new powers for police and a fresh look at whether material from telephone tapping can be used in court.

The chancellor also wants to revive proposals to increase the time terror suspects can be held without charge from 28 to 90 days.

Still, it will please Sun, Mail and Telegraph readers. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss....

Building and Clouds, London

2 June 2007

Carmen at the South Bank

Wait, there's more.... another $5 million here

Mr Peter writes again, this time under the pseudonym Miss Kima Lioud:

I am Ms. Kimaeva Lioudmila, a personal secretary to Mikhail hodorkovsky the richest man in Russia and owner of the following companies: Chairman CEO: YUKOS OIL (Russian Most Largest Oil Company) Chairman CEO: Menatep SBP Bank (A reputable financial institution with its branches all over the world).

Mr Peter has gone all Eastern Europe on me. Ah well, you can't sniff at a free $5,000,000 now can you?

Whoop de doo I've inherited 20 mil (not sure if £ or $ but what the hell...)

Here writes Lady Peggy Morrison,suffering from cancerous ailment.I am a widow my husband Sir Richard Morrison an Englishman who is dead.My husband was into private practice all his life before his death.My husband and I made a vow to uplift the down-trodden and the less-privileged individuals as he had passion for people who can not help themselves due to physical disability or financial predicament I can adduce this to the fact that he needed a Child from this relationship, which never came.
When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 20 Million which were derived from his vast estates and investment in capital market with his bank here in UK. Presently, this money is still with the Bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to the cancerous problems I am suffering from. I have decided to donate this fund to you....

The email goes on (and on) for a bit. All I have to do is click on a link, send details of my bank account and all will be well. Marvellous.